This is my second divorce and have had a lot of feelings that I have had to deal with.
I would like to tell my story, but hesitant. I am more excited about what I have learned about myself.
I have learned to talk about my part of the relationship when I share with others. This helps me to be responsible and accountable for my contribution to my marriage ending in divorce. I’m not taking all the blame, only acknowledging that i played a part in it.
I have learned that my actions indicate what kind of thoughts I have about divorce and toward my spouse. It hurts and i am disappointed. I feel betrayed, abandoned and taken advantage of. From these feelings i can either become bitter or grow from this experience.
My two marriages have been with black women and at first was very adamant about not dating black women again. This was growing into bitterness. It’s not anyone’s fault that I have had this negative experience with these two women and that they were black.
I am more open-minded and have removed the limitation of racial preference. By learning more about myself in honesty and sincerity, I am more aware of the character traits of a woman that is most compatible. Also, what some signs are of the right/wrong woman for me.
The things I am learning and the inspiration I am feeding myself has led me to form a new word: Divorcepiration. It is being able to find and have inspiration at any level/stage of divorce.
Although the experience is not what I wanted, expected nor planned for, it doesn’t have to make my whole life toxic. If I allow any negative experience to have a negative impact on the other areas of my life then they become toxic also.
The worst thing I can do is through my selfishness allow the toxicity of my life spill over into the life of my children. Thereby negatively affecting their relationships in life and their not having any idea of where it comes from.
This enlightenment encourages me to explore myself more in depth to allow myself to experience a deeper healing, which in turn will allow me to have healthier relationships in every area of my life. This change in my life will not prevent me from being hurt again, it does decrease my hurting other people. It helps me not be so gullible. It helps me to be patient and settle for any woman less than what is best for just because i don’t want to be lonely. I do not have to be married, engaged or dating to have companionship.
Thank you for letting me share and get these things off of my chest.