Mayra Valenzuela: “I have been with the same man for 10 years and all along I have had difficulties with him because of his lack of communication. I have tried not to be judgemental and harsh when evaluating a situation and making peace with him during disagreements. For our 10 year anniversary I sent him a text message and he did not answer it so I thought that he would say something or bring me something when he got home. None of the above was true and when I asked him if he had received the message, he said he had and that was the end of that. As of today he has not wanted to get married and when I ask him why, he states that he still needs time. Recently I asked if he was ever going to decide if he had enough time to think about marriage and he stated that we would be married before the end of this summer.
Last year he told me that we would be married by Aug. 27, and that never came true. I told him that he did not need to commit to something that he did not want, but that I needed commitment because we have 2 children together. I also told him that 10 years was more than enough time to know what the future was to bring to both of us or to each of us because I would no longer be around if there was no commitment. Was I very wrong in allowing this to go on for so long and should I end it or push the matter further?”
This is for everybody. I mean it’s a very common situation that may happen to many of you. Check out this little advice if you don’t believe there is chance: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060704205707AAN6RrG
In my opinion, first you need to determine whether he is capable of committing (to you or to anybody). Then be aware that a man won’t commit until he perceives you as his best choice, and feels that he will never meet a woman better than you, and that the relationship will get easier and more fun as years go by.
If you really love one another why do you need paper to prove it, 10 years and still together lots of people stay together much longer with out being married and poof they get married its over between the two with in a matter of months or a few years, so ask your self this do you really need a piece of paper to prove his love to you?
In theory it’s suppose to be better or worse, but that is not practical. If we really took that literally, a woman being physically abused could not get out either. If you are already married, and there is no abuse, then you have a responsibility to make a real effort to improve the performance of your spouse. Its sounds like you have already done that.
With that said, if you haven’t already done this, give your hubby rock solid expectations, rock solid consequences, and a rock solid time limit. If you then get a pattern of behavior of improvement, then reward him.