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Can the Sales of Black Friday and Cyber Monday Save a Relationship

Published on November 23, 2012, by

When tough times hit women tend to turn to shopping to feel better. Men generally look to other things such as exercise or a night out with the guys. Can shopping save a relationship? What about those special shopping days such as Black Friday or Cyber Monday? Not only are they typically extra special on the savings but they kick of the holiday times when folks pay more attention to what matters such as caring for one another.

When a woman, it can as easily be a man but that is less common, takes off to make purchases of the heart during the super sales of Holiday retail kick-off of Black Friday how does it really affect a relationship that is strained or in trouble? I think we can all agree that the actual purchases can make a major difference. Self-serving buys such as jewelry and clothes probably won’t do much to repair or grow a relationship but there are a few that can really make a difference.

What if the purchase was something that could benefit both partners? What if a purchase could help change the life of not only the relationship but each individual. I am referring to a purchase such as a Vitamix Black Friday. Now this is the kind of purchase that can make a woman feel really good about herself but it can also take a relationship to a new level. A new level of improved health and well-being.

The point of all this is that yes, spur of the moment shopping can be beneficial to any relationship especially when it takes into consideration the whole of the relationship and the betterment of each one’s health and quality of life. So don’t say NO to a Black Friday or Cyber Monday shopping spree. Just take a moment to consider what you are buying and to what ends it can contribute to the relationship beyond the “feel good”. And don’t worry, if you missed the big sales, you can still purchase a health altering blender with a Vitamix code.

Happy Healthy Shopping!

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What Happens to a Marriage that Begins with Adultery? Here’s My View

Published on October 29, 2012, by

Some people keep asking me “What happens to a marriage that begins with adultery?” In other words what happens to the cheating spouse that cheated on you and goes off and marries again? Will they be blessed? Will they succeed?

Well, only God knows our hearts of course. If you take revenge against that spouse with your own fire, then the possibility of God not avenging you does exist i think. Nevertheless, there are consequences to adultery one way or another.

Let me give you an example. A murderer who gets sentenced to life in prison can receive Jesus and be forgiven and also recieve all the “possible” benefits within his “jail system or consequence” that God has to offer him. BUT, that doesn’t mean he is going to be released by the law. Remember that those that are without Christ/grace are bound to the law and the consequences of the law. Even if the cheating spouse is a so-called Christian once they enter the realm of sin they are bound by the law and are heading toward death. So the prisoner is not released from life in prison, but he is forgiven. Likewise the cheating spouse will be forgiven and allowed to come back to God, but he/she willl have to face the consequences of their adultery. No adulterous relationship goes unpunished because this is definetely not God’s plan. Apart from that, God hates divorce, but Jesus said except for marital unfaithfulness a man must not divorce his wife. So unfaithfulness must stand out really bad in the eyes of God if this is the one and only way that a man can get a divorce even in the New Testament (the Grace period).

Another analogy: You jump from the empire state building but half way down you truly repent and ask for forgiveness and really don’t want to die now. Ok, the law of gravity will not turn around for you. You will be crushed and you will die, although God will forgive you for your sin you still pay the consequence.

God always forgives when we ask with a sincere heart and yes we can pay lifelong consequences for wrongs in our past, but it is important to not limit Him in our own thinking. He can take that negative thing and bring something positive and healing out of it that we could never imagine and restore what we in our sin destroyed.

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Divorce Can Lead to Growth

Published on June 26, 2012, by

This is my second divorce and have had a lot of feelings that I have had to deal with.

I would like to tell my story, but hesitant. I am more excited about what I have learned about myself.

I have learned to talk about my part of the relationship when I share with others. This helps me to be responsible and accountable for my contribution to my marriage ending in divorce. I’m not taking all the blame, only acknowledging that i played a part in it.

I have learned that my actions indicate what kind of thoughts I have about divorce and toward my spouse. It hurts and i am disappointed. I feel betrayed, abandoned and taken advantage of. From these feelings i can either become bitter or grow from this experience.

My two marriages have been with black women and at first was very adamant about not dating black women again. This was growing into bitterness. It’s not anyone’s fault that I have had this negative experience with these two women and that they were black.

I am more open-minded and have removed the limitation of racial preference. By learning more about myself in honesty and sincerity, I am more aware of the character traits of a woman that is most compatible. Also, what some signs are of the right/wrong woman for me.

The things I am learning and the inspiration I am feeding myself has led me to form a new word: Divorcepiration. It is being able to find and have inspiration at any level/stage of divorce.

Although the experience is not what I wanted, expected nor planned for, it doesn’t have to make my whole life toxic. If I allow any negative experience to have a negative impact on the other areas of my life then they become toxic also.

The worst thing I can do is through my selfishness allow the toxicity of my life spill over into the life of my children. Thereby negatively affecting their relationships in life and their not having any idea of where it comes from.

This enlightenment encourages me to explore myself more in depth to allow myself to experience a deeper healing, which in turn will allow me to have healthier relationships in every area of my life. This change in my life will not prevent me from being hurt again, it does decrease my hurting other people. It helps me not be so gullible. It helps me to be patient and settle for any woman less than what is best for just because i don’t want to be lonely. I do not have to be married, engaged or dating to have companionship.

Thank you for letting me share and get these things off of my chest.

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Marriage isn’t All It’s Cracked up to be

Published on June 22, 2012, by

This subject of marriage, I miss what marriage holds the love, care and more, it existed in my marriage, problem was other things existed too, and I believe I could trust again, but I don’t believe when I’m divorced I will ever find
someone who I could truly know enough to trust them again, it that makes any sense and then marry them. I read about the ways to find people, but I seem to have no interest and maybe it is because my divorce has gone on for so long,
almost 4 years.

When a person marries they make themselves vulnerable to the other person and I’m not sure I want to be vulnerable any more. I have my daughters to think about, and when I open my world to another I open their world to my dependent daughter. I can wish all I want that someone would want to act as a real dad to her, but the truth is, I would be taking a very big chance, and maybe too big of a chance. She would have very little choice in who she would pick as a Dad and then how can I be sure? A person can put on an act and once married, the pain could begin again,

Over the last few years I’ve been watching many people and I noticed there are some really rotten single apples in the barrel, especially in the area I live, the good old boys! In reading I learn too much, I don’t want my daughter to be hurt or myself again.

We have a nice life her and I, not perfect, but nice. I could make and I will make some more improvement in our home once my divorce is over. Marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

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A Story About Teenager & Ex

Published on June 18, 2012, by

My two 9th graders are living with ex across the street who is super oppositional about everything. Not included me in the kids lives, compelled them to see me, or informed me when they get in trouble at school or, yes, even planning to move away to live with an older sibling! (plane tickets already purchased). This is my 15 year old daughter and my 15 year old adopted son. The son is a compulsive thief and I can’t allow him here anymore he would not stop stealing from me, my 17 year old son or even my youngest child who has a terminal brain disease. nice huh? He continues to steal from us coming here when his dad is here and I am at the grocery.

But this last time he returned the items. Next time he gets arrested. He’s a compulsive liar as well. Despite that he’s got some good points but thing is around my ex these two are convinced that i as he puts it kicked them to the curb threw them out. He does this to alienate them from me, which serves to help them believe that nothing is their fault (daughter was having “relations” with boyfriend in my house when I was home, I did not embarrass her but said hey here’s a list of some things you cant do. Either abide or your choice is to live with your father. She chose to go across the street.

Anyway last week my daughter was accused of being found on the school property twice with pot and a pipe and a couple mini cigar things. She claims it was someone else, the school claims the security monitor saw her with it but its their word against each others. This all happened last Wednesday. Her dad had changed the contact info at school so the only he was called not me so I didn’t know until I got a letter in the mail Friday. He had gone in to the school Thursday. Wednesday they had called the cops and filed a police report. I cant believe she wasn’t arrested with this. so i don’t believe the school. im not saying she wasn’t with someone who had the stuff or maybe she even had it herself- her dad says she had it near her on ground, principal says it was found wrapped in a sweater. Ok so where we are at is the school will not allow me to contact the security monitor. They will allow me to talk to the police officer but he only took the report not witnessed it.

I told them ok I guess I can get a lawyer. [I want to see the policy about this rule in writing. They flat out refuse to do anything about requests. My daughter has been assaulted at this school several times (battery) by a kid who goes there. There’s a police report. She didn’t go there for a long time a few months and then went back because i couldn’t get her into any other school. They were all full. And homeschooling is not an option for me anymore with her. This report in her school file will follow her the rest of high school and keep her from getting into a better school (private or charter) and might follow her into college. She could not get into the military if she chose to. Even though she wasnt arrested. If I had been the one called I would have taken her to the pedi and had her drug tested. Her dad did nothing but ask when she could go back to school. my son there failing, every report card is d and f and he’s skipping school so much hes in suspension every other week. The schools told him he wont be held back and he can just go to summer school. But when he gets to 12th grade to graduate he wont have enough credits. Like he cares about graduating? He wont make it that far. He will drop out and be on drugs by a year from now I bet you. I hate to say it. And there’s no family members who he can stay with to get his act together because hes stolen from too many of them.

I have been slowly packing as I organized some closets and i am trying like hell to move out of here. I asked my ex ok what do we do about the kids schooling next year? He’s a procrastinator does nothing about it makes excuses until by default it falls to someone else and then he bitches about it.

How on earth can divorced people get on the same page about the kids? I’ve tried counseling with him but all he does is use it an opportunity to make me look bad.

Legally I could make the kids move back here but i don’t want to do that. my son I couldn’t have back here. Don’t trust him. My daughter would be fine but i leave it up to her. Apparently she and her 20 year old sister and 25 year old sister have gotten together and purchased one way plane tickets for the two younger ones to go live with the older in another state.

The older one doesn’t talk to us at all. And really I have no desire to talk to her shes as hateful and abusive as my ex. Her husband is wonderful and I would talk with him. just an overview of what the plan is. that the girls even though they were free to do this with my 15 year old I don’t get. But my ex always treated the girls like the wife and like equals. I was the babysitter, cook, housekeeper, and sex toy. Nothing relationship wise.

I am firm as can possibly be about getting away from my ex. I won’t have any sort of life until I do!

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Heart-Felt Prayer is Always Worthwhile

Published on June 15, 2012, by

I think for most people the image that comes to my mind when we talk of God “listening” to prayer is that of a God outside of the praying person – an all-powerful God who is separate from the person but hearing the prayer.

Well I don’t believe in a God that is outside. I believe in a God that is inside of me and everyone else. Think of it as an unlimited Mind that exists everywhere in time and space. We are all part of this Over Mind which can be compared to a vast network. By the law of its nature, the Over Mind reflects back to us based on our emotion laden thoughts or prayers.

In the modern world of technological advances and medical breakthroughs, many people question the validity and the power of prayer to heal – but it has been definitely shown to assist in healing. Research has been undertaken exploring the positive effects of prayer. An article in the “Annals of Internal Medicine” in 2000 reported on 23 studies of various distant-healing techniques including energy and spiritual healing.

One investigation, conducted between 1982 and 1983, drew a lot of attention. Some 393 patients in the San Francisco General Hospital’s coronary care unit participated in a double-blind study to assess the therapeutic healing effects of prayer. One group was prayed for, while the others were not. The patients who were prayed for had fewer cardiopulmonary resuscitations performed and were less dependent on life-support systems and medicine. Of all the results, the most remarkable was that there were fewer deaths among those patients that were prayed for.

Another study, conducted by a scientist, Dr. Franklin Loehr, proved that seeds that were prayed over produced quicker germination and healthier plants. Those that were not prayed over had stunted growth, and in some plants, germination didn’t even take place. The experiments were repeated several times with the same result.

Hopefully, in the future more studies will be carried out to show how the power of prayer can assist with healing, not just in the body, but in the mind and soul as well. We can all tap into the power of the universal Source that sustains us.

Prayer, whether spoken or unspoken, is communication with God, or what I refer to as the Over Mind. Simply put, when you pray, you connect. It’s a way for human beings to develop a relationship with the Source. Such a connection can benefit our lives on many other levels in addition to healing.

Remember there’s always one Person that cares about you, no matter who you are or what your personal circumstances are. That Person (God) wants to respond to you and your needs, but there is a little problem here. It’s crucial for the freethinker to understand that God or the Source is Not omnipotent. Its power has an inherent limitation. The Source is limited to reflecting back to us. In other words, if you desire help or guidance from the Source, you must first initiate the communication. Praying enables you to forge a relationship with something that you’re unable to see but which is truly there nonetheless.

When I pray, I ask to be merged with the Divine Source and to feel its presence in my heart. But remember, the Source doesn’t care how you pray as long as you do so from your heart. By doing so, you’ll develop a loving relationship wherein your soul and the Source connect in spiritual union, bringing you comfort, inspiration, and strength.

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10 Year Cross Roads

Published on June 14, 2012, by

long relationship stoppedMayra Valenzuela: “I have been with the same man for 10 years and all along I have had difficulties with him because of his lack of communication. I have tried not to be judgemental and harsh when evaluating a situation and making peace with him during disagreements. For our 10 year anniversary I sent him a text message and he did not answer it so I thought that he would say something or bring me something when he got home. None of the above was true and when I asked him if he had received the message, he said he had and that was the end of that. As of today he has not wanted to get married and when I ask him why, he states that he still needs time. Recently I asked if he was ever going to decide if he had enough time to think about marriage and he stated that we would be married before the end of this summer.

Last year he told me that we would be married by Aug. 27, and that never came true. I told him that he did not need to commit to something that he did not want, but that I needed commitment because we have 2 children together. I also told him that 10 years was more than enough time to know what the future was to bring to both of us or to each of us because I would no longer be around if there was no commitment. Was I very wrong in allowing this to go on for so long and should I end it or push the matter further?

This is for everybody. I mean it’s a very common situation that may happen to many of you. Check out this little advice if you don’t believe there is chance: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060704205707AAN6RrG

In my opinion, first you need to determine whether he is capable of committing (to you or to anybody). Then be aware that a man won’t commit until he perceives you as his best choice, and feels that he will never meet a woman better than you, and that the relationship will get easier and more fun as years go by.

If you really love one another why do you need paper to prove it, 10 years and still together lots of people stay together much longer with out being married and poof they get married its over between the two with in a matter of months or a few years, so ask your self this do you really need a piece of paper to prove his love to you?

In theory it’s suppose to be better or worse, but that is not practical. If we really took that literally, a woman being physically abused could not get out either. If you are already married, and there is no abuse, then you have a responsibility to make a real effort to improve the performance of your spouse. Its sounds like you have already done that.

With that said, if you haven’t already done this, give your hubby rock solid expectations, rock solid consequences, and a rock solid time limit. If you then get a pattern of behavior of improvement, then reward him.

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Dealing with the Money Issues for Men

Published on June 10, 2012, by

money issueFor men who are having relationship problems with their better half, you should understand when you’re with someone you shouldn’t have to jump through hoops trying to convince them of how you feel. If they don’t believe it then I think the issue is more on them then it is on you. If she is basing the direction of your relationship on others and what they’re doing then how will the rest of your marriage (if you were to marry) go? She comes home one day wanting kids because someone at work is pregnant and everyone is fussing over them, or taking trips, doing whatever. Imagine her telling you that in order to convince her you love her then you have to do what everyone else is doing, buy her a bigger diamond then her co-worker, have kids now, jump through a hundred and one hoops. You get my drift.

Sure, others may stick their nose into your relationship but it is your relationship (meaning yours and her). How you want it to be, how you want it to progress is between the two of you. If others can so easily influence her and the direction of your relationship then, well, it could become a nightmare.  Best you have a sit down with her and ask her what it is she wants, not what she wants based on what others think, but what she really wants. Then tell her what it is you want and why you want it.

If you can’t compromise, if you don’t get her point of view and she doesn’t get yours then you may want to rethink the relationship if you’re not moving in the same direction. A relationship should be based on a united front, two people working towards the same things, not always wanting the same things but helping each other achieve goals, offering support etc. etc. not acting/reacting based on what others are doing.

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Fool Lover or Wise Loner?

Published on June 6, 2012, by

You have and will continue to do very well in life I think. Effective communication is the ability to cross layers, to speak to different layers at once, to leap from the general to the specific, to pass the needle from the side of thought to the side of feeling.

Put yourself on the level of what you observe: look into its eyes.

Drop on your knee when ever you talk to the child. Children impress each other with their aspirations,the elderly with their accomplishments, and adults with their daily doings.

The dramatic thunderstorms in life comes and goes, but a steady rain fills the barrel. They are like little mirrors and often mimick what they experience. Often this frightens the parent’s though most don’t understand why.

When my children were younger, age five or six, sometimes they would return from school asking me how to sing well like you dad? (I used to be a singing coach, not bragging :-)  ), or from their playing with a friend and maybe utter words or trashy phrases learned.

I would inhale deeply and say wow I smell trash, time to dump it out.

I would play the loud noisy and squeaking breaks of the trash truck, whose strong arms reach down grasping their waist, then lift them over my head upside down and pretend to noisily gently shake out the trash from their little heads. Then place them again purposefully yet gently on their feet again. Then I would smell their hair, Ahh all fresh and clean, go back and play now, receiving a dimpled smile or smurk.

At first this scared and even freaked them out a bit. True gentleness is best experienced from strong hands and arms. Later when they overcame there fear and made a game of it, they learned next to having to stand and wait for some time period before the truck again came around…

Intellectual cleanliness too is a constant yet overlooked or forgotten effort for most. For often, as it is above in the head,so it is also below in the heart and hands. Thus it is too possible we each could create singularly our own heavens or hells. The apples of my eyes I could never pluck out for I truly adore them all,do I love too much? Very well then,I love to much! I would rather be the lover’s fool then to be the wise and totally alone… This is just the kind of choice I would make.

It is amazing how your choices affect the lives of others around you. People are creatures of habit and do what they see, and say what they hear. It is so easy to fall into a cycle. Usually, if a child witnesses a loveless relationship, they in turn get into a loveless relationship. Then their child does the same thing. It is easy to blame your parents or your up bringing, but it is harder to break the cycle.

People need to break the cycle and stop blaming others for their problems. It is good to recognize where the problem comes from, but don’t use it as an excuse.

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Love and Money

Published on June 3, 2012, by

“We moved into a place a year ago, and when we moved in everyone one close to her was “suggesting” that we move into a house. When it was discussed between the two of us she didn’t feel comfortable doing that because we didn’t make the same amount of money. After being married and in a relationship with women who made more than I did, I have learned to put aside foolish pride but working together has made it difficult because I don’t talk about our relationship much at work but some of the people we she works with are getting married, and it seems that she is upset that I haven’t asked her to marry yet.

After going through a divorce and break up with women who make more than I do how do I convince my girlfriend that she is the only one. I have acheived a national certification in on field and am working on a second but her BS degree makes it hard.”

I could use some clarification on some aspects of this situation. Some things aren’t so crystal clear so I might have to read between the lines so to speak. It would appear that he’s had two prior relationships with an ex-wife and an ex-fiancee or girlfriend, and both of those made more money than he did.

Now with his current girlfriend (actually I have no clue whether it’s still current now), it would appear that the roles are reversed and he made more money than she does. If that is the case, then he should understand totally her being uncomfortable with the difference in pay scale. He was able to get over it, but may be his girlfriend can’t or isn’t ready yet. Money issues, can take a great relationship and turn it very bad very quickly if not nipped in the butt.

Another thing that caught my eye is that it seems they both worked together. I’m not sure if that means in the same building, or in the same office, or the same lab. Which ever the case may be, her “friends” that he mentioned, he saw as well and might be your friends too. I was kinda seeing trouble in the waters there if he wasn’t careful. Like beance said, jumping through hoops is not the way he should plan on continuing his relationship with her.

It’s one thing for his girlfriend to say “My friends at work…”, but if he saw these friends on a daily basis as well…ouch. Unless he was prepared to say “So what about them? Who cares. It’s our lives we need to be concerned about.” Then seeing all her friends look at him with scorn, because he wouldn’t “pop the question” or give a bigger diamond than others, or get her pregnant, might take its toll on him and the relationship.